…Eatin’ barbecued iguana. But instead, I'm at home, answering your letters (below). Actually, this spot in St. Maarten would be at least as nice as the Mexican border town—but vacation is over. This gorgeous critter popped out of the bushes right next to our house on the last day of our Caribbean trip, and immediately we started humming that old Wall of Voodoo song from the ’80s. He (or she, or both, for all I know) was innocently catching some rays and posing no threat. Although, at a length of three feet, nose to tail, with that Mohawk of spikes, he did sort of scare the troops. But not before brave Chicago Bill snapped this closeup.

And then, natch, I fired up the grill!

(I kid, I kid. These guys are tough—gotta braise ’em.)

But now, the Barry and I are safely back in Brooklyn, pinkish tans already fading and threatening to peel. Unlike Carson’s (below, second from left, in the unlikely event that there’s someone to whom those puckered lips are unfamiliar)—he’s a slightly more dedicated tanner than yours truly. Here we are at the New York Times for a fundraiser for the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association, posing with the everlastingly delicious Jeanne Moos of CNN, and Bradley Jacobs.

(BTW, be sure to watch CK’s fab new show on Lifetime, “How to Look Good Naked”!)

Anyway, it’s back to the salt mines: I’m shooting a couple of great new projects (news as it happens), prepping for a trip to Pebble Beach for the inaugural food festival this coming weekend, and ready to handle a few of your questions. Thanks for writing!

First, due to surprisingly large volume, I’ll just send a collective response to the people who wrote to inform me that, contrary to my Bravo blog, the zoos in Washington, D.C., and St. Paul also offer free admission: All right, already. Now, leave me alone; I have Lizard Osso Buco going up in here. 

Other notes from the mailbag...

Jessica writes:

“I LOVE the Dandy Warhols (I think "I Love You" is my favorite song of theirs ... it's always exciting to hear about a fellow fan! My question is how did you learn to cook?”

Ted replies:

Regarding my cooking: I’m not sure I’ve learned how, yet … I read cookbooks, watch Martha, subscribe to all the magazines, and ask lots of questions when I meet great chefs. Mostly, though, we just throw lots of dinner parties and practice, practice, practice. Sometimes it’s pretty good. Sometimes, we toss it in the garbage disposal and order a pizza. Right now, I am all about pork … which segues nicely into our next query:

Leighann writes:

Hello there! I've been a fan of yours since “Queer Eye” first started. Here's my question: My husband and I are (mostly) vegetarian and raising our two young children the same. What are some quick and easy vegetarian kid-friendly meals that we could have weeknights?

Ted replies: 

Thanks for your note, Leighann, and congrats on feeding your family natural, healthy foods. B and I have recently sworn completely off processed crap, fearing the cheap, nasty things that giant corporations are trying to pump into us in the name of the almighty dollar. And we keep our meat consumption very low; 6- to 8-ounce portions are more than enough for us, and red meat happens once a week, tops. But, as you might imagine, I can’t very well become a vegetarian and expect to have much of a career as a judge on “Iron Chef America”—plus, I can’t give up pulled pork. I just can’t. I think I’m the wrong guy to ask. Good luck!

Melissa writes:

I would like to know, if you could name an ingredient, cooking implement, or cooking method that really changed/defined the way you cooked and approached food, what would it be? For me it's things like the iron skillet (oh! what can't it do?), taking pictures of my meals (I've noticed I make more interesting, balanced meals when I get into the habit of photographing them), and how magically complex food gets when you roast it. Keep at it!

Ted replies:

I’m with you on roasting, definitely, and the iron skillet, too. Right now, I’m all excited about my nouveau pressure cooker from Kuhn-Rikon—I can make black beans in 30 minutes, without soaking. Beans, beans, the magical fruit.

More than anything, I would say my cooking was most affected by the idea of seasonality; that is, only using ingredients when they are in season and at their peak. This means rejecting those awful tomatoes of November through June, and waiting until August to make caprese salads—the only time they’re worth eating. 

Marci G. writes:

My husband and I are going to a formal affair.  I will be wearing dressy evening separates (a long dark brown skirt with brown and sparkling gold cami & jacket) with sparkling gold strappy shoes.  He is planning on wearing a black tuxedo as the invitation calls for black tie.  We could use your help.  What color & type of tie would you suggest?  Should he wear a vest, cummerbund or suspenders?  Should his accessories be black, brown, pink or would you suggest any other options?

Ted replies:

I was tempted to send you over to Kressley or GQ—remember, I was the food guy on QE, not the fashion guy (although you'd never know it from the photo above). However, I was writing about men’s style for Esquire even before this TV craziness, so I’ll weigh in. Your man is absolutely correct to comply with the invite’s request for formalwear. In fact, this is mandatory. His shirt should be white, fine cotton, and formal, with French cuffs, possibly pleated but definitely not ruffled. He could go for the old-fashioned wing collar, but more men these days prefer a regular, pointed collar. He could go for a bow tie or the conventional necktie shape; most stylish guys these days prefer the latter. This tie should be black or shiny silver ONLY, and only a solid—no colors, no patterns, no Tabasco prints, and nothing designed by Jerry Garcia; silk only, and no clip-ons, please. Suspenders (a.k.a. braces) are necessary on a tux, which never have belt loops. Vest vs. cummerbund is a personal choice; myself, I can’t stand cummerbunds. They feel like corsets to me (and not in the good way). He can avoid them BOTH if he wears a double-breasted tux, or a shawl collar (although I hate those), or even a three-button single-breasted with a high lapel, if he’s careful never to unbutton unless seated (a good policy with suits, generally). If by accessories you mean shoes, they can only be black, period. But there is no need to buy (or, god forbid, rent) patent-leather shoes, which are foppish and uncomfortable, nor velvet slippers, unless you’re, well, Carson. Plain or cap-toe brogue dress shoes (but not wingtips) with a nice shine will do perfectly. There is no such thing as brown in men’s formalwear. Pink can have its place—maybe in a cufflink, or a very pale shirt, depending on the occasion—but personally, I’d recommend sterling for studs and links. Remember, tuxedoes were invented to make all men look alike, fading into the background like so many penguins so that their fabulously dressed ladies could shine. It’s the time to make a statement of quiet elegance and tradition.

Be sure to have him loosen that bow tie and wear it rakishly undone as you leave the affair, a la Bryan Ferry. You’re gonna like the way he looks—I guarantee it.

Hope that helps. See y'all next week, or maybe a little sooner.